Have any questions about pregnacy?

• DEAR PREGNANCY EXPERT…………


• Q: Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers or briefs ?


A: You'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all


• Q: What do you call a pregnancy that begins while using birth control ?


A: A misconception


• Q: What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant ?


A: Have sex just once a year


• Q: What is a chastity belt ?


A: A labor-saving device


• Q: When does a woman's biological clock start ticking ?


A: Right after she looks in the mirror and thinks, "On my God, crow's feet !"


• Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving ?


A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant


• Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex ?


A: Childbirth


• Q: Should I have a baby after 35 ?


A. No, 35 children is way too many already


• Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move ?


A: With any luck, right after he finishes college


• Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu ?


A: If it's the flu, you'll get better


• Q: Does pregnancy affect a woman's memory ?


A: Most of the ladies I asked don't remember


• Q: My breasts, rear end %26amp; even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy ?


A: Yes, your bladder


• Q: Ever since I've been pregnant, I haven't been able to go to bed at night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving ?


A: Depends on what your doing with them


• Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why ?


A: Cause you're fatter then they are,


• Q: My wife is 5 months pregnant and so moody that she's borderline irrational.


A: So what's your question ?


• Q: Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy bring on labor ?


A: When the sex is between your husband and another woman


• Q: What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a Playboy centerfold ?


A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him


• Q: What position should the baby be in during the ninth month of pregnancy ?


A: Head down, pressing firmly on your bladder


• Q: What are forceps ?


A: Giant baby tweezers


• Q: What's the best way to get a man to give up his seat to a pregnant woman ?


A: Brute force


• Q: How do I know if my baby has dropped ?


A: He/She will start crying. Be more careful !


• Q: How long is the average woman in labor ?


A: Whatever she says, divided by two


• Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right ?


A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current


• Q: When is the best time to get an epidural ?


A: Right after you find out you're pregnant


• Q: Is there a reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor ?


A: Not unless the word "alimony" is a concern for you


• Q: I'm modest. Once I start to deliver, who will see me in that delicate position ?


A: Authorized hospital personnel only -- doctors, nurses, orderlies, photographers, florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc.


• Q: What does it mean when the baby's head is crowning ?


A: It means you feel as thought not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make it's way out of you


• Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth ?


A: Yes, pregnancy


• Q: Does labor cause hemorrhoids ?


A: Labor causes anything you want to blame it for


• Q: When should a baby not be circumcised ?


A: When it's a girl.


• Q: Where is the best place to store breast milk ?


A: In your breasts


• Q: Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps ?


A: Yes, baby lips


• Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth ?


A: It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse


• Q: What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing ?


A: When you see teeth marks


• Q: What is the grasp reflex ?


A: The reaction of new father's when he sees new mother's breasts.


• Q: Can a mother get pregnant while nursing ?


A: Yes, but it's much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first.


• Q: What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown away ?


A: They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in case of global chemical warfare.


• Q: Do I have to have a baby shower ?


A: Not if your change the baby's diaper very quickly


• Q: What causes baby blues ?


A: Tanned, hard-bodied bimbos


• Q: What is colic ?


A: A reminder for new parents to use birth control


• Q: What are night terrors ?


A: Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she's pregnant again


• Q: Nannies aren't cheap are they ?


A: Not usually, but occasionally you'll find a floozy


• Q: Will I love my dog less when the baby is born ?


A: No, but your husband will most likely get on your nerves


• Q: What are the terrible two’s ?


A: Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey


• Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to act normal ?


A: Possibly when the kids are in college

Have any questions about pregnacy?
I like your new avatar.
Reply:Q: When should a baby not be circumcised ?


A: When it's a girl.


A very good answer......
Reply:Pregnancy is not a thing I have in mind lol!!





Stars for you!
Reply:Hahahahaha!
Reply:Funny! 100!
Reply:Very good Jake. Thank you.
Reply:brilliant!!!
Reply:Those are excellent Jake!


Nice avatar, lol!
Reply:That is absolutely the best! Some times the simpilist answers are!! LOL!!


-Mel
Reply:hehehe funny! ;)
Reply:these are hilarious.....and so true...lol
Reply:Hahahahaha..do you know how many of those are actually sooooo true..lmao..xx
Reply:lolz!











hahaha!!!








I'll keep them in mind lol
Reply:You seem to think that mutilating males is amusing; so do you also find WWF to be entertaining? I thought so.
Reply:Hilarious!!!!!





If I could give you all of my stars for today, I would. This is pricelss, and made my day!!!!





God bless you!!!


†
Reply:LM(_!_)O! Most of those were too true!





Here is my favourite one:





•Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving ?


A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant
Reply:This hit home for me, as I was married six years,before I got pregnant. wanting a child. every day. so they may have wrote


this about me. wink wink.
Reply:Oh my gosh those are Sooooo great. This mom love it !!!


Thanks Jake you alway make my day. xx Sugar bug.
Reply:LOL. So many if these are so true.





•Q: How long is the average woman in labour ?


A: Whatever she says, divided by two





Well i can say with my first i was in labor for 6 hours from start to finish and my second i was in labour was 13 and a half hours.





Star for you Jake